                         --------------------
                           Help from Zortek
                         --------------------
Zortek will not do any of the following:
  1) Give Reincs (of any kind) except under the following conditions:
     a) Punishment for a crime against the mud,
     b) You are less than 5th level,
     c) You pester or spam me,
     d) Im in the mood (and if you ask, you can be certain I won't be
        in the mood to do anything but ignore you at best...)
  2) Provide passwords to a Guest character or a "friend"
  3) Wiz anyone.
  4) Mentor anyone.
  5) Reimberse any lost anything except under the following conditions:
     a) Drizzt, Diewarzau, or Shadowraith expressly ask me to,
     b) I personally am "directly" at fault for your loss AND only then
        if I also feel "guilty" or "empathetic" to your loss,
     c) If it is due to a "known" bug (this context is subject to my
        own interpretation, not anyone elses).
  6) Reimberse (when I choose to) immediately (mail me if I ask you to
     and I will take care of it when I get a "breather" from real work.
  7) Respond in any favorable way to requests about "mortal issues" or
     things of a context that I might only understand if I actually
     played the game...AKA Immortal/Mortal crossover.

Best way to get ignored by Zortek: 
  (preface all with <tell zortek> or [chat : <Idiot>] )

  8) Do you have a second?           |   yes, but you just wasted it
     a) Are you busy?                |   no, I'm just whacking off
     b) Is there an arch on?         |   no, you just missed us all
     c) When's the next reboot?      |   Uh, how 'bout now! No save!
  9) Can you help me?                |   Bah, empty, retorical inquiry
     a) Will you help me?            |   Um...WITH WHAT?
     b) Whats wrong with X?          |   Its broke?
     c) Can I ask you a questions?   |   No, you only get 1, that was it
 11) <any obnoxious whining>         |   Offer solutions, not problems
     a) I have a bug...              |   Bah...it's only a feature
     b) Thats not fair...            |   You're right, I hate you.
 12) Spam...1st offense              |   No comment
 13) <anything "unsportsman-like">   |   Get a life...its just a game.
 14) Are you drunk?                  |   Every 4 days...
 15) <answering questions with questions>
 16) <quoting my own help file against me>

Zortek's reasons to drink:
 17) Why not?
 18) Because its so much fun typing, "dD wie& eeea;fj"
 19) Makes this_object() and previous_object() fun to confuse.
 20) ...in celebration of the last drink.

Zortek's reasons NOT to drink:
 22) ...'cause you might forget that 21 comes after 20
 23) Brain and Liver damage.
 24) Gotta be sober to work, to make the money, to buy booze...
 25) I refuse to drink and drive...period.

Zortek's WWW home pages:
   http://tkv.wl.net
     <click> Q-Who
     <click> Zortek

This will do as a starter file...it will be updated regularily with new
and important "lists"

SEE ALSO:
penis, administration, newbie, changes, clans, combat, levels, etc